So as difficult as it is to be super open especially about personal issues, it's one of the reasons I started this blog to try and keep track of my experiences and developments while doing my nurse training.
For me that past few weeks have been pretty hard. I usually struggle at this time of the year with my dad having passed away on the 18th March, this year that was made more challenging by my grandmother passing away on the same date.
It's a difficult experience loosing anyone but it's particularly hard to stay focused and motivated on a career in nursing when you know that your going to be In hospital and see people deteriorate and possibly pass away and sometimes that's unavoidable. Any job in the health care sector will have you facing those situations though.
On top of this I had to move house a lot quicker than expected due to my landlord being in debt and the house being under a repossession order.
I had to take a few days off to attend the funeral and try and get myself together and the first day back at placement wad particularly difficult to get myself out of bed for.
It's funny really when we started the course everyone spoke a lot about the importance of ressilence and self awareness and at the time you think 'oh yeah.. Because your busy and multi tasking and responsibilities..' except it's all that and anything else going on personally, coupled with mental and physical tiredness. Placements and assignments at the same time.
It's hard..
But to me it helps that I can be a part of someone recovering from an illness or at the very least showing them compassion and controlling their pain at the end of their life. It also helps knowing that even after all of that o can go to placement and be soo busy it's actually chaos except controlled and organised and finishing the shift and getting everything done feels like you've scaled a mountain. The staff I have worked with both before and after starring my nurse training have been role models to me and that goes a long way to keeping me motivated.
I'm not going to lie. Dealing with that much in my personal life, for a second i was worried how I could push through but I have soo much support from ward staff tutors, clinical nurse tutors. Family, other students and friends.
I can dread getting up in the morning but once im on the ward and seeing new things. Learning just about anything I'm more motivated and I like feeling like I'm getting more confident and like today being soo busy because of numerous admissions and discharges but working with a good team and getting everything done I felt great.
So in the long run a little wobble will probably do me good because if I can go in feeling down and come home feeling like I've learnt something and proud of myself I know it's the right career for me.
